22-year-old demands unemployed boyfriend go back to his parents' house while she works, takes care of the house, and cares for 14-year-old sibling: 'For 11 months I have paid every single house bill'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Aug 30, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

A lesson that many people take a fair amount of time to learn is that partnership is an integral part of most good relationships. In theory, it sounds obvious to expect that a romantic partner makes a worthwhile contribution to the relationship that they are in. In practice, many do not realize that their significant other isn't pulling their weight until they are in so deep that getting out feels like the most difficult thing in the world.

Everybody in relationships has times when their partner frustrates them, or they feel like they are not doing what they ought to. When this becomes a frequent pattern, though, it is a sign to take stock of where the partnership is heading. Sadly, it can often take reaching a breaking point for this to come into question, and it makes it even more likely that things are not going to end well for the relationship.

 

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  • a close up of a young couple standing in front of foliage
    via Ian Flores

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One young woman found herself realizing this after she grew tired of all the responsibilities she had been shouldering since her boyfriend quit his job nearly a year ago. She had been paying almost all of the bills, doing most of the housework, and also taking care of her younger sibling while holding down a full-time job.

    Meanwhile, she felt like her boyfriend had not been making a fair contribution to their relationship, especially as he wasn't at work. After a stressful day, she told him that she would prefer he lived with his parents again. He did not take well to this, and she wasn't sure if she had taken things too far.

  • Am I overreacting? Told my boyfriend to go back to his mommy to be babied

    1 (22f) told my boyfriend (22m) he needs to go back to his parents house since he wants to be babied so badly. He feels I'm being mean. To give a lot of context he has lived in my home for exactly a year now, before that he had his own apartment he let go as we agreed to live together and split costs. About 2 months into living together he called me from work and said he wanted to quit. I responded with
    via Artistic_Answer94
  • "please don't until you have another job under you. I don't want to and will not take care of you". He swore up and down I wouldn't be, quit his job, and now has been unemployed for 10 going on 11 months. Since then I have paid for all food and groceries, every single house bill, entertainment, bill, nicotine..if it costs money I'm paying for it. He's pitched in 50/50 for groceries maybe 3 times.
    via Artistic_Answer94
  • Now in this year span I have gained custody of my 14 year old sibling, giving me more to take care of emotionally and financially. I've told him over and over to get a job. I'm starting to struggle with money, I need support etc Eventually I got to the point where I felt worn to the seams and have not been as nice as I used to be, I don't want the same affection or intimacy, and I snap on him over "little things".
    via Artistic_Answer94
  • The little things being stuff like me coming home from work and things are dirty, it's evident he's done absolutely nothing all day and he's sitting on his game. Every. Single. Day. Since I am working and paying for our everything we made an agreement that he would cook (dinner) and clean. It takes a max of 30 minutes a day to keep the house tip top shape as I keep my home clean to begin with. I
    via Artistic_Answer94
  • a young girl leaning against a wall
    via M.T ElGassier

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • wanted him to cook dinner and clean the kitchen afterwards essentially. Without fail he would cook and leave left overs, ingredients, and condiments on the counters to spoil. So often we got flies... Groceries I'm single handily working for and paying for. I mean I don't understand how he doesn't get why that's so frustrating..
    via Artistic_Answer94
  • anyways very recently I had a car issue. I was using his car to get to and from work for a couple of weeks, well one night a repo man got me.. he had not been paying his car payment little to my knowledge. Leaving me with no work for over a week and a half. You might wonder how's he going to pay for his car if he's unemployed? Well a few years back he had an interaction with an officer that led to a HANDSOME settlement. I questioned why
    via Artistic_Answer94
  • would he not be paying if he has the money and he said he just "forgot to switch info over for payment and didn't get notifications because I don't have a phone" and he will "just get a car off of marketplace no big deal" well that obviously ped me to the moon but also had me thinking why has he NEVER pulled out a few bucks to help support himself or better yet help me support him? Especially if he can just go grab a car so easily right...
    via Artistic_Answer94
  • So one night after getting home from a long shift I got dishes out of the room, cleaned up, got the hair out and unclogged my bathroom sink he shaved in,and took the dogs who haven't been out in too long outside I told him "you need to go back to your f*ing parents house since you want to be babied sooo badly! I'm done being your mommy! And you won't even take care of yourself it's not fair my brother and I are losing out on things because
    via Artistic_Answer94
  • I'm trying to be your mommy too!" He thought that was really mean and uncalled for... am I overreacting? I genuinely don't believe so but I kinda feel bad. I know it's like well you're stupid for doing it but I'm the type that had to take care of their family their whole life and if I don't I feel immense guilt. Oldest surviving daughter of a throwed off family If you will. Also the type to make things happen no matter what even if I gotta pay a few extra bucks.. but it's biting me in the behind
    via Artistic_Answer94
  • a woman wearing rubber gloves and washing dishes in a sink
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • People advised her on the stressful situation.

    Successful_Voice8542 Change the wifi password immediately and do not give it to him no matter how much he begs. Take the TV remotes away (have a friend hold on to them or if you have your car back, put them in the trunk). Stop purchasing any foods he likes, and absolutely no snacks (you want him to look in the fridge and every cabinet and realize there is nothing in the house he likes to eat). He's sitting around the house all day long eating, watching
    via Successful_Voice8542
  • TV and playing games. Years ago we agreed to let someone move in "just until I'm back on my feet." Six months later he wasn't even looking for a job. So I changed the wifi password, put the TV remotes in the trunk of my car as well as anything I knew he would enjoy eating. He whined and complained for a couple of days but he had a job in about a week and moved out soon afterwards. So for a couple of weeks my ex, my kids and I all
    via Successful_Voice8542
  • read books because no one could watch TV or play computer games. Your BF is behaving like a child so he definitely needs to know he has to carry his own weight or move back in with mommy. I would also make up a list of every penny he owes you (1/2 the rent, utilities, groceries, etc., since the day he quit his job) and tell him if he wants to stay he pays you what he owes, and you will give him the password, but if he doesn't have a job in a week/two weeks/a month
    via Successful_Voice8542
  • (whatever you think is reasonable) then you will change the password again. Time for some tough love for the little boy he has become. But do you seriously want to continue a relationship with this momma's boy? I hope you think you deserve better than him.
    via Successful_Voice8542
  • uselessinfogoldmine Give him an eviction notice. Make sure it matches legal requirements. I would also rethink the relationship entirely. Mummy's boys make terrible partners. In future, I wouldn't live with any man, if I were you, unless you have implemented the Fair Play System (book and cards).
    via uselessinfogoldmine
  • Sad-Committee-1870 NOR. Don't feel bad. The agreement was to split costs. He's going on a year with no work. He's irresponsible enough to get his car repossessed. He won't even pick up after himself or cook/clean as agreed upon. He needs to go. He isn't holding up his end of the bargain and has become a burden. That is not a partner. You have a man-child.
    via Sad-Committee-1870
  • Puppyzpawz i dont need any context. you told him your boundaries and he broke them repeatedly. he doesnt care and is taking advantage of the fact youre tolerating him so he doesnt have to work for as long as possible. i wouldve dumped him 2 months in yet you endured an entire YEAR. leave his a behind.
    via Puppyzpawz
  • Either_Coconut You're not being mean. Lose the hobosexual. What you allow is what will continue, and it's clear his goal is to keep right on taking advantage of the situation until he's pitched out on his ear. Find out what the laws are in your locality to serve him an eviction notice, and then proceed with evicting him. He's not a boyfriend. He's an adult child.
    via Either_Coconut
  • ArtofJF You sound like an awesome, tough, responsible person with a lot on your plate. You don't have time for his sh. NOR at all! If anything you've given him more than he deserves.
    via ArtofJF
  • Ok_Nothing_9733 He doesn't even have a phone? How is he meant to get employment like that? He sounds like an actual baby wanting to be babied yes. I would leave
    via Ok_Nothing_9733
  • WildCaliPoppy NOR - it's ridiculous that you have to even ask him to take on some responsibility. Quitting his job and letting you do everything after you made it clear you did not want that was just one of many choices he made that are unattractive, unsupportive, and absolutely absurd. Get as far away from him as you can or this will be your whole life - babying him and taking on all responsibility for whatever people you add to your family.
    via WildCaliPoppy
  • There's no world in which this is acceptable and you are right to send him back to his mom!!
    via WildCaliPoppy
  • Amby_Bamby_94 You're not overreacting. He's lazy and entitled. Tell him to go home for real. Change the password to the wifi. Start packing his things. Give him a time line to move out.
    via Amby_Bamby_94

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boyfriend housework relationships aio bills chores reddit thread Reddit unemployed entitled people
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